You?

Meet Winston Sovine. Our 2 1/2 year old Yorkshire Terrier. My husband absolutely hates this picture, but for the sake of my blog I’m using it anyway…

I was having a little fun dressing him up for Halloween in a football uniform and he obviously didn’t like it. But he was oh so cute! My husband absolutely hates this picture, but for the sake of my blog I’m using it anyway…
I was having a little fun dressing him up for Halloween in a football uniform and he obviously didn’t like it. But he was oh so cute!
Here’s the analogy that I’m trying to make. Some people put on a façade to hide their true feelings. Others use that façade to try and please others around them. Others are forced (work/home/social) to act one way, while feeling another. And when I say forced, I mean feel out of control of the situation. An extreme example would be a person who feels that they are unable to express their true sexuality for fear of retribution. But there is an entire sphere of feelings that a person can fear and/or feel discomfort when opening themselves up to others. Criticism, disapproval, being made fun of, losing your job, your children, respect…

Another group are those who wear the cloak because they may not know what is behind it yet. Fear of the unknown. It takes thought and effort to look in the mirror and come to terms with who is looking back at you. Much less like who you are. But fear not, some will immediately be in love! And others may have a little work to do, but it will be well worth the efforts.

We all at times wear many hats. Multitasking as employees/employers, parents, students and even kids we are busy and have to be and do many things. I said, do many things. You don’t have to be each and everything that you do. You are you going to work. You are you as a mother/father. Etc…

I was the worst when I was young. My dad had a bad heart and my mom (from the time I was 10 or 11) told me that if I did anything wrong and upset him, it would cause him to have a heart attack and die. So, I put on the cloak of good daughter. You cannot live your life like that! 1. You are not happy. 2. You are not honest. 3. You train yourself to be a pleaser. 4. Someday you will snap.

Lesson from Winston. When the “façade” came off, he was just “Winston” again. Happy to chase the ball, eat, sleep, and poop. However, you will probably do more 🙂

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Character

I have been accused of being quite a “character”. Why? For good or bad, I’m not shy, don’t mind to stand out in a crowd or give my opinion. And I laugh, a lot!

I have always heard that what doesn’t kill you makes your stronger… Gives you character. Crap, no wonder I have character! I am certainly not dead, and have been broken more times than I can count. If you are a fighter (parent, athlete, anyone who wants more) you know that you always get back up. You don’t always want to! It hurts, sometimes it’s slow, most of the time it’s emotional. But it’s just something that you do.

You can be a willow tree and bend, twist with the wind, be blown to the ground numerous times before you break. You are strong and flexible and these are wonderful qualities! However, even willows can be broken. Twisters, hurricanes, divorces, death, sickness are the unexpectedness of life. Just when you think you have everything under control, the rug is pulled right out from under you… How do you react? Does your life stop? Or do you pick up the pieces? We do it at different speeds. But it is a necessity that we get on with life. Please do not misunderstand me. Grief is certainly a process in this, but not a lifelong process.

We have but one lifetime. And we have those around us that care. Look to us. For strength, direction, care, concern and love. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes it takes a while to get a semblance of right. But you get out of it what you put in… No one can “fix” you until you are ready to be healed. Willows who break sometimes can have a more difficult time recovering from a break then others. They don’t expect what’s coming.

Or you can be an intricate piece of glass. Many sides and facets to you. Interesting and beautiful, but easily breakable. Those people are more knowledgeable about breakage, but when broken it is into millions of pieces. The process of healing can be different. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. The receptiveness of breaking is damage itself. The rebuilding process for the glass people is more like precast concrete (precast concrete: a type of concrete that is pre-manufactured off-site and then transported and installed on-site at a later date, the concrete is less susceptible to storm damage than the traditional wood planks used in the past and is built to withstand the high velocity winds of hurricanes that commonly occur on east coast beaches). Building themselves stronger and stronger each time they break!

Point being, no one is perfect! We all have issues. Sorrows. Divorce, death, sickness, dysfunctional families, money problems, need I go on? It is how we handle our issues when they arise. Don’t be ashamed! Tomorrow will come whether you want it to or not. Pull on your big girl panties (big boy boxers) and do the best you can one baby step at a time. If you need professional help, get it! It’s 2013, for God’s sake! There is nothing to be ashamed about. What is to be ashamed about is, not doing anything about your issues and letting them overtake your life, your family and your livelihood without asking for help.

NOT ONLY JOURNALISTS

For anyone who ever attended an English class or journalism class we were taught the 5 W’s… When, where, what, why, & who. It creates the story. Your life is a story in progress. Each chapter may change, but there is one constant… You are the author. While living and writing the adventure you call life, here is some extremely wise (another w word) suggestions on how to use your writing tools.

Who you are. You are an individual. No one is like you. Good or bad. You are like a snowflake. Be proud of you. No one is perfect, don’t expect that of others nor yourself.

What lies ahead. Who knows? If you are a religious person, there should be no worry what so ever. The higher power will handle your future. The future is unknown while we are here on earth. You may live to 100 or step out the door an be trampled by a herd of wild buffalo (life is crazy sometimes).

When things take a toll… Don’t sit back and take it! Get up and put you big girl panties on (big boy boxers) and take it head on! No one builds character or wins by being pushed around.

Where are the choices you make? Everyday. Every minute. About everything. You have that power! Be positive 🙂

Why can’t we know? Nothing is ever certain. How boring would that be! Reminds me of the movie “Groundhogs Day”. We want/need more adventure in our life. If it’s not good, make it an opportunity. Learn, do it better the next time.

Continue writing your book, chapter by chapter, with gusto! It may be a comedy, drama, horror story, or parts science fiction! With any luck, it will end up with a little of everything, ending up with a dra-dy (drama-comedy). Nothing like a little spice of life to look back on.

Be Happy

Enjoy life. There’s plenty of time to be dead. – Anonymous

I know that I’m a glass is half full kind of girl (well maybe more like 3/4) but that’s been a work in progress. What I don’t understand is all of the pessimists… I understand realists. Look at a situation, weigh the positives and negatives, and decide based on the variables. But pessimists, please lighten up just a little 🙂

It puts me back on my soapbox about perception. If you only believe that bad things will happen… You will most likely find them 😦 But you ask, aren’t you disappointed when things don’t go your way? Funny, for many years they didn’t. Reminds me of the song “Broken Road”. But when you look for good things, and work for positive goals you tend to find them much more often then when you don’t look!

Brings to mind the Bobby McFerrin song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”. Just a song that makes you smile! People don’t do that often enough. If you remember the song, hum a little of it now and see it you can keep from smiling 🙂

We Are Not Our Parents Generation

This blog is one of those… Did you know that in 1996 the 1st of the 78 million trend inspiring Baby Boomer generation turned 50? Wow! I watch TV, movies, commercials and see some of the most beautiful and handsome people out there and they are in their 40’s and 50’s+. Funny, I will never get rid of my mirror. I know that I am 55, but I swear in my head I feel 27 and my mirror certainly doesn’t say that!! But I don’t see 55 either.. I don’t have the aches and pains, I have fun and darn it I still want to have sex with my husband. There I said it.

Couples at 50 can have a richer, fuller and more mature sex life than ever before. Sure sex does change as we age, but that can be good news. Performance anxieties and many common sex problems occur much more often when you are younger. As we age, we just know better… With medications, and additional aids on the market we have benefits that youngsters might not 🙂

Such as:
*Greater sophistication about our own and our partner’s sexuality.
*Increased capability of communicating our sexual and emotional need without fear of “looking silly” or being rejected or misunderstood by the one we love.
*Improved sexual responsiveness in women and a corresponding improved ability to control ejaculation in men.
*Greater willingness to experiment with sexual variations.
*Lessened inhibitions and increased ability to “have fun” with lovemaking.
*And far greater technical proficiency as lovers.
Sex Over 50

We also know our partners better at this point in our life. Whether married for many years or starting again, we are wiser in so many more areas than we were in our 20’s and 30’s. We know each other’s moods, the right and wrong buttons to push (or avoid), we know all the special spots that turn them on… Psychoanalyst Carl Jung described the term “contrasexual transition”, typically men and women cross sexual and psychological paths at midlife. Women become more independent and assertive, less in need of reassurance or approval. Whereas men become more nurturing, more comfortable with intimacy and able to share themselves in ways they never could before.

However, there are still those naysayers who subscribe that passion is only for the young 😦
Others fail to believe that our bodies changes present opportunities for better sex, not obstacles to it. While some fail to experiment with change. Many just allow life (stress, money, kids, body image, extended family) stifle their sexuality.

Many people, especially women dread the “empty nest” or when the children leave home… Please make this a time to renew your relationship both emotionally, physiologically and sexually with your partner. For many years you have both been covered up with “kid stuff”. It’s overdue for you time!

Here’s what I say… Years ago I heard, 40 is the new 30. Now 50 is the new 40. When I grew up Carol and Mike Brady (The Brady Bunch) slept in twin beds. Now you practically see soft porn on TV (not to say that is a good thing by any stretch of the imagination), but it is a new generation.

It’s not the days when some Mom’s and Dad’s had separate bedrooms. We have more remarriage. And realistically, we need to keep the home fires burning (or someone else might try).

Be young at heart and everywhere else too.

Strength

For all of my friends (everyone out there) who are having some rough times right now… This is a pic of myself the last time someone tried to mess ( f*#!) with me! Please print and insert your picture in the middle.

Feel better soon 🙂